i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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