You smell like a Billy Joel song
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
