im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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