Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
