so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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