Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
