he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
