toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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