I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
