Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
