I'm really into asian looking animals
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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