Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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