is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
