Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
