How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Damn victory sex feels great
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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