i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
