No awkward lesbian experiences without me
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
