I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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