he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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