i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
