Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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