You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
