Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
