It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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