She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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