WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
