i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
