so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
