i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
