Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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