what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
