So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
