I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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