I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
