you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
