I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Every concussion has its silver lining
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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