omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize