I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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