I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
