there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I got inside last night via doggy door
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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