just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
