Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
