i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
