You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it was like eating out sand paper
two words...techno handjob
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
