White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
