our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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