This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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