I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
being pregnant is like rehab
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize