my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
