just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
