Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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