my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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