Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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