My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize