thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
