So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
