Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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