so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
