please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
