dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Even my vagina gasped.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
