my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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