I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize