So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
