i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
His nipple licking is glorious
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