This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
