forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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