Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
