so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
