I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
