When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
