I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize