Plan B is the new Plan A
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
