You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
