You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
